Tag: First Lines

It Was the Best of Lines, It Was the Worst of Lines – April 8, 2019

On By upstateasbIn It Was the Best of Lines . . .2 Comments

Dog Late GIF - Dog Late Cat GIFs

“The dog is late, and I’m wearing pajamas made from the same material as Handi Wipes, which is reason enough for me to wish I were dead.”

          Binnie Kirshenbaum, Rabbits for Food.

Since the last Best of Lines was about a train called the Yellow Dog, you’re probably figuring that, if there’s “dog” in it, I’m there.  And you are so right.  But, no.  This line is such an unlikely combination of imponderables with all of them, every one, leading to, guess what………..pondering.  Ta damn da.

The dog is late.  A dog with an appointment?  Dogs don’t know time.  All dogs know is “supper time, supper time, sup-sup-supper time”.  I thought immediately of Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid series and that delightful canine Oberon, who’s hilarious and hopelessly muddled on the subject of time.  Dogs just don’t get it.  So what’s this with the non-punctual pup?

Moving on, Handi Wipes pajamas suggests disposable, maybe institutional, but I don’t know.  Doesn’t sound like something one would choose, though.  Then the speaker wishes to be dead.  So not good.  Tough times, unfortunate circumstances, perhaps even the edge of the abyss?  I WANT TO KNOW!  No details, no weather report, no trees or flowers, no location, no characters introduced or described.  This line is not about filling us in; it does not front load; rather, it intrigues.  We have no clue whether this individual is male or female, and we know absolutely nothing about that tardy dog, but, by golly, WE WANT TO KNOW!  Don’t we?

Of course, all this pondering occurs simultaneously with the reading of the sentence, in the blink of an eye, half a blink, and we simply read on, not even aware that we have pondered.  We read on because we want to know.  This tantalizing book’s not out yet (advance reader copy), but I’m going to read it (and post a review, of course), and you know why.  Because I…………everybody, let me hear you say it!  Louder!  In the meantime, here’s a reader’s tip.  If you don’t know the Iron Druid series and Oberon, literary love of my life, Kevin Hearne’s light-hearted fantasy series is great good fun.

It Was the Best of Lines, It Was the Worst of Lines: Memorable and Not-So-Memorable First Lines in Literature – August 9, 2016

On By upstateasbIn First Lines, It Was the Best of Lines . . .4 Comments

It Was the Best of Lines, It Was the Worst of Lines is a new feature which I hope will appear from time to time here on a day in the (reading) life.  I’ll be spotlighting what I think are some worthwhile, and some dismal, first lines from books and short stories as I come across them, sometimes with my accolades or scathing commentary, as appropriate.  Other times I may let the lines just speak for themselves.  Hope you enjoy!  Comments and opinions, for and against (it’s a free country, y’all), are always welcomed as long as we all stay respectful.

Vampire castle

“When Elena told people she was a vampire hunter, their first reaction was an inevitable gasp, followed by, ‘You go around sticking those sharp stakes in their evil putrid hearts?'”

Nalini Singh, Angel’s Blood.

Ugh.  I know I’m probably going to catch some heat from Nalini Singh’s fans and paranormal romance (i.e., bandwagon lit.) readers, but come on peeps!  This isn’t exactly the kind of sentence that inspires one to bated breath and the anticipation of what’s to come.  Trite, trite, trite, banal, banal, banal, and just all-around lazy, boring writing.  “You go around sticking those sharp stakes in their evil putrid hearts?” sounds like crappy dialogue from a Buffy the Vampire Slayer rip-off.

Now, granted, I only read the first line (and a few more in the next paragraph where Singh’s character refers to “the idiot fifteen-century storyteller who’d made up that [staking] tale in the first place”), so maybe Angel’s Blood is meant to be campy fun.  I wouldn’t know though because I couldn’t get past those initial paragraphs.  If you want campy bloodsuckers, Charlaine Harris does it much better.

I’m not sure what 15th century “idiot” Singh’s referring to (the first literary appearance of the vampire is widely credited to John Polidori’s 1819 short story, “The Vampyre”, although vampire-like beings can be found in folklore all the way back to ancient times), but for my money Bram Stoker and, to a lesser degree, Anne Rice, did vamps best and darkest.  And dark is the only way a vampire should be (none of those sparkly Twilight chaps for me, thanks).  Stoker is, well . . . Stoker.  ‘Nuff said.  And Anne Rice, for all her verbosity and tendency toward melodrama, created a character in Lestat that has endured for years and set the standard for vampire assuredness and cockiness (and yes, Tom Cruise did get it right in the movie, and I’m no Cruise fan).